writing in secret

i have a confession that is three months overdue.

i did nano.

and i didn’t tell anyone.

well, mostly no one.

there were reasons, but this was the main one: i needed to write something new. at the time, i’d been in the trenches with what comes after (and its various forms) for almost two years. and while i’d written new scenes and new dialogue, i hadn’t written anything differently new, if that makes sense. i needed to prove to myself that i was capable of writing something other than caroline, food carts, and broken hearts. i also needed to be accountable only to me. keeping it a secret kept it… i don’t know… on the level? as much as i crave accountability and love talking about my stories as i write them (i’m a total talk-things-out writer), it was nice to relieve myself of the pressure of updating others, or feeling like i had to share my progress only to realize i wasn’t as far along as i’d hoped.

i didn’t win nano–i only managed 30k words–but i did finish the story. it took three months and some change, but i managed to knock out the first draft of in the still, which sits pretty at about 63k.

and?

i love it.

i never knew i could love something as much as i love this project. even though i know it is deeply flawed and in need of some serious editing, i love it. even though i know two months from now i’ll be cursing it from the ugly side of revisionland, i love it.

i. love. it.

this project is a lot of firsts for me, too: 1) first story i’ve finished start to finish without abandoning it for another shiny, 2) first story to take me less than a year to draft–3 months! i still can’t believe it!, and 3) first time i’ve ever sent my ugly first draft to my crit partners.

that last one is so huge, i can’t even tell you. i usually don’t share anything until the third, fourth, or even fifth draft. maybe it’s the perfectionist in me, or maybe it’s fear that if it isn’t polished and somewhat decent, my friends will think i’m a crap writer and tell me to quit while i still have my dignity, but that’s such bunk. of course it’s crap–it’s the first draft. but it’s only through help, insight, and feedback that i’m able to grow this story into something more. and i’m infinitely lucky to have some completely kick-ass crit partners (one of which–kayla, i’m looking you–is 93% why i finished this draft so soon & without giving up. that girl is a true drill sergeant with a heart of gold.)

y’all, i’m so in love with this story, it’s ridiculous. and it takes place in alaska! ALASKA! and there are moose, cute boys, trysts, and time travel. i mentioned that, right? yup. in the still is a time slip adventure set in the alaskan wilderness (which means i’m required to now visit for research purposes, right?)

the trajectory for the next few months is to revise (pending crit partner feedback.) there is still so much to research and flesh out. dfwcon is in may, so hopefully i’ll have in the still in decent enough shape to pitch.

so yeah, that’s what i’ve been up to & why i haven’t been around lately. what about you? what’ve you been up to?